what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
