honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
