I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
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