So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize