I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
