Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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