I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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