Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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