He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
