come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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