$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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