What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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