and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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