elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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