your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
