I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
