if you like me you must not know who I am
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
