I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
