mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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