clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
