I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
