Tell her she can't have a vagina
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize