the condom got lost in my hair
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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