I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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