I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
