the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
