There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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