Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
