she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
