I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
