My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
