There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We have started to decorate penises.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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