Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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