It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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