Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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