maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
