We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
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I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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