Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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