That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My dick has a subreddit
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
