; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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