I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
