Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
wow bdsm is so cute
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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