I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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