You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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