I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
