well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
