best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
