is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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