I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
