Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
nutella sex= disaster
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
