you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sober January is a disaster.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
