Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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