How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
