I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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