Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
