she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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