I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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