if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
